Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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