how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
