I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
