So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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