____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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