No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
