It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
