I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
