I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
