ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
