U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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