i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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