rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
