Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize