is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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