i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
