Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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