I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
