She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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