Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
