how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
