There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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