then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
