Texts From Last Night

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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.

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  (201): I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma. http://tfl.nu/yzcy
  Replies (13) Good night (5298) Bad night (837)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.

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  (503): I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best. http://tfl.nu/fuew
  Replies (15) Good night (4752) Bad night (1208)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.

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  (412): I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me. http://tfl.nu/826q
  Replies (131) Good night (14848) Bad night (1477)
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  (786): View more from Florida

  I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.

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  (786): I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS. http://tfl.nu/52c3
  Replies (24) Good night (1031) Bad night (4028)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?

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  (715): Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet? http://tfl.nu/ptcd
  Replies (14) Good night (3286) Bad night (1136)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?

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  (214): Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up? http://tfl.nu/f130
  Replies (9) Good night (3762) Bad night (805)
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  (916): View more from California

  I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.

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  (916): I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house. http://tfl.nu/a7ly
  Replies (3) Good night (1416) Bad night (717)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.

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  (928): You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today. http://tfl.nu/ne6p
  Replies (3) Good night (1143) Bad night (659)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball

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  (724): Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball http://tfl.nu/n4gl
  Replies (5) Good night (988) Bad night (718)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.

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  (781): You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me. http://tfl.nu/nrl0
  Replies (11) Good night (1650) Bad night (622)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.

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  (509): While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop. http://tfl.nu/o4cj
  Replies (4) Good night (1321) Bad night (455)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..

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  (319): You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer.. http://tfl.nu/i9am
  Replies (1) Good night (503) Bad night (778)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.

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  (863): If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis. http://tfl.nu/mwio
  Replies (5) Good night (942) Bad night (408)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.

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  (254): He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong. http://tfl.nu/xvj4
  Replies (2) Good night (493) Bad night (935)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation

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  (407): Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation http://tfl.nu/aq4y
  Replies (1) Good night (473) Bad night (356)

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