I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Success! We fucked roommates!