Texts From Last Night

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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.

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  (603): turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops. http://tfl.nu/vdzv
  Replies (20) Good night (929) Bad night (5693)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.

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  (252): i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too. http://tfl.nu/myt5
  Replies (55) Good night (6037) Bad night (749)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.

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  (724): You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame. http://tfl.nu/zyq0
  Replies (14) Good night (1883) Bad night (2891)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"

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  (727): I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying" http://tfl.nu/wtiy
  Replies (19) Good night (10714) Bad night (1258)
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  (914): View more from New York

  We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.

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  (914): We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night. http://tfl.nu/ey4f
  Replies (6) Good night (2213) Bad night (1482)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am

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  (240): seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am http://tfl.nu/z6p6
  Replies (7) Good night (2606) Bad night (827)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.

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  (301): Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip. http://tfl.nu/7yby
  Replies (64) Good night (3021) Bad night (5210)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet

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  (519): Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet http://tfl.nu/qweh
  Replies (5) Good night (1528) Bad night (609)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader

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  (208): I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader http://tfl.nu/v8oi
  Replies (3) Good night (1420) Bad night (807)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples

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  (641): Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples http://tfl.nu/d5pz
  Replies (3) Good night (493) Bad night (1653)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.

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  (541): Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life. http://tfl.nu/7mk5
  Replies (18) Good night (698) Bad night (439)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.

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  (906): Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die. http://tfl.nu/zxmz
  Replies (7) Good night (2429) Bad night (392)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.

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  (303): I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day. http://tfl.nu/g7z2
  Replies (2) Good night (620) Bad night (393)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.

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  (250): If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you. http://tfl.nu/tnhh
  Replies (6) Good night (952) Bad night (284)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.

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  (630): I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila. http://tfl.nu/fzc9
  Replies (3) Good night (264) Bad night (440)

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