If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.