So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday