Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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