Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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