It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
pop tarts are not kleenex
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
