This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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