I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
