no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
