If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
