i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
