So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
