I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize