my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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