You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
