She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
