dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
there is puke in my bra ... again
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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