He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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