i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
