btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
