are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
