glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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