I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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