i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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