my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
