Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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