You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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