Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
