i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I need a beard to bite.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
