I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
