God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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