Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
