are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
