I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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