Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I understand Curling. That high.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
