what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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