I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
