my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
