glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
