Midget sex pt 2 tonight
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
