My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
