I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
