not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
