I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
