So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
