What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
