and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Do you still have your period?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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