apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
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I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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